Andre Niemeyer, Sup Woman of the Year 2011

Written by Andre Niemeyer

She is faster than Candice Appleby, created more instructional content than Nikki Gregg, and is so powerful that she can disguise herself as a brown man originally from Brazil. Click to see Andre Niemeyer in another form.

Andre Niemeyer in her latest form, smiling on the sup world in light of her victory. Photo: a Resident of Galaxy 99

SAN DIEGO, California – You haven't even heard half of the story. Andre Niemeyer is so powerful, so fast, and so resourceful that her disguise as a Brazilian brown man is designed to protect the other women in the stand up paddle world. That's right. If Niemeyer were to reveal her disguise, her awesomeness would completely shatter the sense of self-esteem of all other stand up paddle women, to the point that they wouldn't even feel any sense of worth to be nominated to the Sup Women Awards run by Supconnect.

And here is how amazing she is. Niemeyer is able to win the Supconnect Sup Women Awards without even being nominated. In fact, she morphed into the Brazilian brown man in the likeness of Andre Niemeyer and is now running the Supconnect Enterprise, which allows her to nominate herself, select herself as the winner, and even write the article announcing her victory. The Library of Congress cannot contain a brief description of her accomplishments, even if we just focus on her life in the stand up paddle world.

Her intrusion in the Sup Women Awards was thoroughly thought out, sending electromagnetic waves from her brain across the globe, shutting down all computers at IBM and Microsoft, including Watson, IBM's super computer that appeared on Jeopardy. And more than well-thought out, her entry in the Sup Women Awards generated time-space paradoxes and spawned branching universes. It is true that Niemeyer is the Sup Woman of the Year 2011, but only in a possible but  unactual world. As the electromagnetic waves from her brain continue to travel across the worlds, gravitational poles are tweaking time-space and readying the world for the official Sup Woman of the Year 2011 to be announced in the coming days. All Niemeyer wants to accomplish with this reality altering exercise is hopefully to get people to have a few laughs and remember the cheerfulness for which the sup community has become known.

® Sup Women Finalists to be announced Wednesday and winner on Friday.